Nude Photos and Real Love

Week 2

Right now Hollywood stars and popular culture are giving kids one of the most damaging and troubling messages that I think has ever come out of the entertainment industry – and that’s saying something.  If you’ve been paying even casual attention to the news the past few weeks, you’re well aware of the celebrity nude photo leaks that have been drawing an awful lot of attention.  Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Kirsten Dunst, and many others fell victim.  Most of the celebrities, as well as editorial commentators, have condemned the incident as despicable, an invasion of privacy, and a sex crime, and some are attempting to take legal action.  They’re absolutely right on all of these counts.  This message that women (and men) are not to be objectified is a good one for our children to hear. 

Yet that “damaging and troubling message” I spoke about is also present.  You may be wondering (I must admit that I did) why the photos existed in the first place.  Jennifer Lawrence, likely the most well-known of the victims and certainly the one most popular with teens, explained in a Vanity Fair interview (some strong language in the original):

“I started to write an apology [for taking the photos], but I don’t have anything to say I’m sorry for. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.” 

Talk to your children about authentic love and healthy relationships.

Teach them that a man or woman who will turn his or her attention to another when you are apart for any period of time does not love you as you deserve.  Teach them that healthy, great relationships do not require a person to make accommodations for their significant other’s wanderings or lack of self-control.  Teach them that they deserve to be loved wholly and entirely, not partly and conditionally.  Teach them that a loving man or woman sees you as so much more than your body, and as infinitely more than an avenue for sex.

Of course, this is about far more than one isolated – though deeply saddening – example.  From movies to television,  music to school-yard banter and beyond, today’s teens are getting a very wrong message about love and relationships.  No, I’m not an old fogey (I like movies and other modern entertainment as much as anyone) and I’m not talking about sex, lust, or even waiting until marriage (as important as it is).  I’m talking about the standard of love and respect that our kids are going to set for themselves when they make decisions about dating, relationships, and even (eventually) choosing a spouse. 

Trite as it may be, they deserve to be treated like the princes and princesses of fairytales, but they’ve been encouraged to accept far lower standards – and far too often this is exactly what they do.  The current trend of sexting and Instagram nudes is one example we are all keenly aware of, but what you may not realize is that it’s frequently not about sex, hormones, or humor but about a teen who thinks that she needs to sext to keep being loved.  It’s relationships where one person does all of the compromising while the other dominates.  It’s teens who think it’s OK or normal to be “negged” (insulted so that your self-confidence is lowered) by their significant other.  It’s these kinds of things which happen all the time and countless more – things which our children deserve far, far better than. 

I know that you’re busy.  I know that you’re overwhelmed at times. I know that between work, managing a home, raising children, and countless other things you barely have a chance to breathe some days, let alone take on something new – but this is important.  Talk to them – and do it today! It will probably be one of the most important things you ever do for your children.